Luke 15:11-20
11 Then Jesus said, “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son said to his father, ‘Give me my share of the property.’ So the father divided the property between his two sons. 13 Then the younger son gathered up all that was his and left. He traveled far away to another country. There he wasted his money in foolish living. 14 He spent everything that he had. Soon after that, the land became very dry, and there was no rain. There was not enough food to eat anywhere in the country. The son was hungry and needed money. 15 So he got a job with one of the citizens there. The man sent the son into the fields to feed pigs. 16 The son was so hungry that he was willing to eat the food the pigs were eating. But no one gave him anything. 17 The son realized that he had been very foolish. He thought, ‘All of my father’s servants have plenty of food. But I am here, almost dying with hunger. 18 I will leave and return to my father. I’ll say to him: Father, I have sinned against God and against you.19 I am not good enough to be called your son. But let me be like one of your servants.’ 20 So the son left and went to his father.
One day when I was in the bookstore at Occidental College I heard a young man sobbing and speaking very quietly into his phone. “I can’t find them, I don’t see my professor’s names anywhere.” He was a first year student trying to find his textbooks. His mother was on the other end of the phone and trying to help him but judging from the tears, it wasn’t going well. I actually thought about helping the kid until I heard him say, “I don’t have the syllabus, mom, you do.” With that I shook my head and left.
“Helicopter parents” is the term coined for the people who hover anxiously over their kids, monitoring every move, ready to swoop in at the first sign of trouble. When I worked at Oxy I could spot their kids as the ones who pulled out their cell phones any time a decision needed to be made. They always looked so helpless and insecure, needing their parents to make even the smallest decisions for them. They made me sad, part of college is learning to navigate a new environment on your own. Sometimes that means struggling to find your textbooks, getting lost on campus, ruining a load of laundry or trying to make dinner when you only have pasta and jelly packets. You survive, you figure it out and it becomes a funny story. That kid on the bookstore floor wasn’t a funny story.
With the not really news about parents paying for their kids to get into college we learned a few new terms that make helicopter parents seem rather benign. “Bulldozer Parent” is one and is used to described people who clear the paths for the children, eliminating any problems or discomforts. I’ve also heard “snowplow”, “lawn mower” and my favorite “curling parent” as they scurry ahead, frantically brushing a smooth path and guiding the stone towards an exact pre-determined location. Psychologists are seeing that while well-meaning, this has long term detrimental effects. Children of the both helicopter and bulldozer parents:
Are poorly equipped to deal with routine growing and learning experiences. This includes everything from asking for directions and dealing with an annoying roommate to much broader skills like communicating with superiors, negotiating for something they want and coping with disappointment.
Aren’t able to develop a sense of personal motivation or drive, since they only know how to follow the path that the Bulldozer Parent has already prepared.
Are unable to make a decision, big or small, without the guidance of others.
Constantly receive the message that they aren’t good enough to do this themselves. In essence, the Bulldozer Parent is repeatedly demonstrating to the child that they cannot be trusted to accomplish things on their own.
School age kids: start practicing now! Let your kid do the talking as often as possible: ordering at restaurants, asking for directions, or calling a friend on the phone to ask for a playdate instead of arranging it yourself via text message.
High school kids: while there is still room for parental involvement at this age, insist that your child attempt all communication on their own first. If they need to miss a quiz and do a make-up, have them make the arrangements with the teacher, and only intervene after they have made the first attempt on their own. If they have a conflict between track practice and music lessons, have them discuss the possibilities with the involved groups, then have them make the decision and deal with the potential consequences.
Kids of all ages: TRUST your kid to do well and tell them repeatedly that you believe that they can make good decisions on their own. Give them room to make mistakes, even major ones sometimes, and learn from them together.
How can you avoid becoming a Bulldozer Parent?
Being a parent means inevitably watching our kids struggle, feel uncomfortable and even fail. As painful as that can be, we aren’t doing our children any favors by trying to shield them from this part of life or solve their problems for them. Instead, give them opportunities to learn strength and self-confidence, so they can handle future challenges with grace.
Possibly Surprising College Policies
As a result of blatantly abusive behavior of some parents, many universities maintain a policy that all contact from a parent is referred to the administration office. A parent’s request to “just keep this conversation between us” or “don’t tell my daughter that I called you” isn’t likely to be honored, and may actually single your child out to administration for an unflattering reason.
There is some information that legally cannot be revealed to a parent if your child is over 18 and hasn’t granted the school permission. Under the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), there are scenarios in which the university cannot release the student’s academic record to the parents, regardless of who is paying the tuition.
~ Upcoming Events ~
Sunday, March 31
Family Worship
10 am | Chapel
Sunday School
10:30 am | Sunday School Classrooms
~
Sunday, April 7
Team 1 Acolyting
Heather will be preaching. If you are available to help Antonio teach, please contact us and we will provide you with the relevant materials.
Family Worship
10 am | Chapel
Sunday School
10:30 am | Sunday School Classrooms
Youth Group
Noon | Blaze Pizza
1100 Fair Oaks Ave, South Pasadena, Ca 91030
Sunday, April 14
Palm Sunday
Team 2 Acolyting
Palm Sunday we will begin worship with our favorite donkey. Join our procession with an instrument, noise maker or other form of celebration.
Family Worship
10 am | Chapel
Sunday School
10:30 am | Sunday School Classrooms
~
Maundy Thursday, April 18
6:30 p.m. in the Sanctuary
Combined Service with Church of our Saviour.
Dinner Eucharist and Solemn Stripping of the Altar.
~
Good Friday, April 19
Noon in the Chapel
&
6:00 p.m. in the Chapel
~
Great Vigil, April 20
7:30 p.m. at The Church of Our Saviour
535 West Roses Road, San Gabriel, CA 91775
Kindling of the New Fire, Sacred Story, Renewal of Baptismal Vows
and First Eucharist of Easter.
~
Sunday, April 21
The Feast of the Resurrection
7:30 am in the Chapel
10 am in the Sanctuary
The Choir of St. Edmund’s, Organ and Brass
Guest Trumpeters Christopher Still and James Wilt.
Music of Handel, Susato, Higginson, Mozart
Festal Holy Eucharist
(Piñatas, Dove Release and Easter Egg hunt
to follow on the Close)
Child care provided at 10 a.m., No Sunday School
~ Starting in May ~
Starting May 19th, we will be having family picnics in
local parks on the third Sunday of every month.
May 19th we will meet at Grant Park 232 S. Michigan Ave. 91106
Please feel free to contact Heather if you have questions.
